To: Santa, elves, and helpers of all species
From: ClausInc® Safety Officer
Subject: Radiation protection reminder during 2025 holiday gift deliveries
As the 2025 gift-giving season approaches we need to do our annual safety training, starting with radiation safety to make sure we can have another incident-free gift delivery season. Sorry, but there’s a test at the end and unless you get more than 70%, you’re not on the flight crew! We’d also like to try to avoid a repeat of 1947, when a non-rad-worker elf snuck aboard and violated his dose limits during an unexpected solar flare! Remember: dose limits for elves are higher than for dwarves, gnomes, and humans due to their robust DNA repair capabilities, so make sure you read the right column; reindeer don’t have dose limits, but we try to keep them to the same limits as humans.
This year’s space weather forecasts predict elevated solar activity and a weak magnetic field, so we’re working with Routing to to balance altitude, geomagnetic latitude, fuel consumption (it’s not done by magic, folks), and flight hours on the CDV (Claus Delivery Vehicle), while limiting deliveries to the local sleepy time. ALARA Engineering is developing a solar storm shelter, although this might negatively impact range, speed, and flight performance. They’ve also reminded us that at lower altitudes and latitudes, by simply flying inverted, the gifts in the cargo hold should provide adequate shielding – so remember to wear your seatbelts or your Velcro flight suit. And don’t forget that neutron flux at high altitudes, even during a severe solar storm, are not high enough to cause worrying levels of activation products – just do your jobs, follow the normal ALARA practices, and enjoy the trip!
A few other details:
- We have the same natural radiation hot spots as every year, none of which pose any threat during the brief periods of time you’re near the surface
- Radiation levels from contaminated sites, former atmospheric nuclear testing locations, nuclear spacecraft reentry locations, and so forth continue to drop and, like last year (and the one before that, and the one before that…) pose no risk even at low altitudes
- And if you would like to declare a pregnancy, you may do so at any time; we’ll be happy to advise you on the flight status impact for your species.
Feel free to contact us with any questions or worries. We will post the final flight plan and will upload to the navigation computer by dinnertime before each delivery day. And remember – it’s all for the kids!